Palm tree

Not much in particular

Quote of the day: "I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of the Imagination." -John Keats

Still feel rusty doing this. It isn't really blogging you know, it's LJing. So many of my writer friends have blogs--I really need to do an RSS feed and keep up with them all. I'm not sure I would like BLOGGING but I do like LJing.

I managed to get some writing done. I exercised. Unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I need to put some laundry in but instead I'm on the Internetz. Let's see in good news--a short essay of mine got picked up by a new online magazine. It is supposed to be out this month. I will post the link when it goes up. Baddish news--I haven't been feeling the best since I got the attenuated H1NI vaccine. The nasal mist thing. The kids feel fine. I have a sore throat and a runny nose. It is probably just a coincidence and I am getting yet another cold. My BIL who is like an H1N1 expert because of his job said that even if I did catch it from the attenuated virus it would only be for a couple days and a much weaker version. This just feels like a cold. No fever or anything like that.

Husband and I are almost done with Arrested Development. That's been fun. I ended up buying Season Three used because I got Season Two from the library and it took us almost three weeks to get through it and I had to renew it once. I tried to renew it twice but it wouldn't let me because someone else had requested it.

I'm also crocheting again and I bought the stuff today to finish an afghan and start a broomstick lace afghan. I haven't done one since the summer I was 17. We will see if the neurons will fire. If not I will google, or look at the one I have here too see how many stitches inbetween the groups of double crochet. C and I have also been using the Nifty Knitting looms. I plan to make her a pair of legwarmers as a surprise when I'm done with the broomstick lace. That will make her laugh, I think. Maybe blue. With sparkles.

Well this wasn't a very exciting entry, but I'm trying to get back in the habit. I have to start dinner and then get C from swimming. <3

There aren't any words

Quote of the day: "Sleep/sleep tonight/and may your dreams/be realized. If the thundercloud/passes rain/so let it rain/rain on me." -U2

I leave for Ft. Collins today and I will probably not be back until next Saturday. zortrana's bilirubin (sp) is high, the brain damage is worsening and she is refusing to eat or drink. Knowing that this is either zortrana in there saying she does not want to live like this, or a natural biological response of someone who knows that her brain is dying and her body needs to catch up to where her brain is, my other three sisters and I refused to have a feeding tube inserted in zortrana yesterday. The hospice meeting is tomorrow at 1:00 p.m.

Pray for me. I'm not doing well. If I don't respond to comments please know it is not because I do not appreciate them but because I'm pretty much wrecked right now.
Michigan sun

Why do I bother with subjects, they never have anything to do with my entries

Quote of the day: "Tell me despair is a dress that opens." -James Galvin

Dear Low-Carb Diet People: Nothing you can say or do can persuade me that fruit is evil. Low in calories, delicious, high in fiber and water, natural and chock-full of anti-cancer properties, can in no way be bad for you. As for the "sugar?" Studies have shown that even diabetics can eat almost unlimited amounts of berries a day because it is a NATURAL not REFINED sugar. The reason I think you are so dogmatic? You miss your fruit. Go sprinkle some berries on something and then eat an apple for a snack. Go on now.

I am home for three whole hours today or until C's new bed is delivered. Whichever comes first. I should be preparing a poetry lesson and writing but I decided to sneak in an update. I'm tired. There is not enough coffee for my life right now. The end of the project period is always so crazy--my last big group of work is due May 15th and it's a doozy--five more books to read in addition to the one that I'm working on now (one is 600 pages), the last changes to my 37-page critical paper (How the Psychotherapy of Anne Sexton Informed her Life, Creative Process and Poetic Craft), a three-page essay on enjambment, three new poems, three revised poems, my cumulative annotated bibliography, my project period learning analysis... okay I just totally depressed myself. I should be working.

I hope you all know that the above list is why I haven't been on LJ. I love you guys and miss you. My "real life" friends have suffered as well, as well as my interactions with family and my TV and movie watching consists of the occasional movie @ the theatre that the kids are interested in and The Daily Show. That's it. Haven't seen the last two seasons of BSG. Haven't seen the last two seasons of Rescue Me. The good news is I graduate in December. The bad news is I hope to be working part-time in January. The student loans will start in June. Unless I start a Phd program which trust me, I've thought about. Then I quote my local mentor... "T, do you want to spend your time with other writers, or academics?" I know my answer to that one...

Well, the bed guys are here and they are saying C's box springs won't fit up our stairs, but I think it will. I better go. It's good to have zortrana back on the grid, too, I must say. :) <3
Palm tree

Colorado, Here I Come

Quote of the day: "may came home with a smooth round stone/as small as a world and as large as alone./For whatever we lose(like a  you or a me)/it's always ourselves we find in the sea" -e.e. cummings

zortrana isn't improving and it's a long story and so Husband and I have shifted things that needed to be shifted, I did eight hours of graduate work today and turned in my packet early so I wouldn't have that hanging over my head, and I'm leaving early early Thursday morning to spend a few days with zortrana at the hospital.

In other news, my mother in law has reached the pissed off stage of cancer. Husband thinks part of it might be the lesions but me personally? I think she's just pissed. And who wouldn't be.

And my girl? My little girl? She is 13 tomorrow. She is six feet tall and weighs 126 pounds. Wow.
Palm tree

Colorado, Here I Come

Quote of the day: "may came home with a smooth round stone/as small as a world and as large as alone./For whatever we lose(like a  your or a me)/it's always ourselves we find in the sea" -e.e. cummings

zortrana isn't improving and it's a long story and so Husband and I have shifted things that needed to be shifted, I did eight hours of graduate work today and turned in my packet early so I wouldn't have that hanging over my head, and I'm leaving early early Thursday morning to spend a few days with zortrana at the hospital.

In other news, my mother in law has reached the pissed-off stage of cancer. Husband thinks part of her behavior might be the lesions but me personally? I think she's just pissed. And who wouldn't be?

And my girl? My little girl? She is 13 tomorrow. My little girl is six feet tall and weighs 126 pounds.
Palm tree

I am starting to feel like Job

You guys, my sister zortrana is in the hospital, in intensive care. They found her unconscious this morning. They don't know what's wrong. Please prayers and white light. She helped raise me and we were just talking about her coming back to Michigan for awhile. This is on top of my mother-in-law being diagnosed with multiple cancerous brain lesions less than ten days ago. I'm sorry to check in with shit for news, but I know many of you are friends with zortrana and would want to know.

I hope you all are well.
Palm tree

The Mother of All Updates

Quote of the day: "The early settlers made houses of out trees and tried to live. When they starved out and moved on, they burned their houses down to get the nails back." - James Galvin

Oh, God this is like riding a bike, right? It will all come back to me when I start typing. How the hell are you, El Jay? I've been able to read my FL the last couple of days. The kids have been out of school and their activities are on hiatus and Husband has been home. I've had more time. I've been reading a few people recapping their 2008 and I thought well maybe I could do that.

I guess I will actually start in the last few days of 2007--when we had to put Mokie our big Maine Coone cat to sleep on Dec. 27th. It broke my fucking heart but his kidney disease had made him so weak he couldn't eat and could barely make it to the litter box and he was 16--a ripe old age for a big cat like him.

Also in December 2007, I started graduate school. I am halfway through my program and if all goes well, in December 2009 I will graduate with my MFA in Creative Writing (Creative Nonfiction, minor emphasis Poetry.) The program has been a blessing in my life but as I've said about blessings before--they are sometimes fucked up and a lot of work. I have had experiences that made me rave with love about my school, and I've had experiences which made me say oh my God, how does anyone work in academia? Kill me now. Overall it  has been very worth it. I've learned a lot--not just about writing but about reading and the industry and people and my cohort is just love. We are down to around 20ish people now--we started out with 28. It isn't easy and some people just aren't cut out to do low res. They need the structure of a classroom a few days a week.

I've also had a lot of David drama this year. I don't know how someone who has so profoundly helped me cannot (at times) be aware of his own motivations and inclinations. He is utterly dear to me. When I don't want to stab him. I won't give a percentage on that. It varies, you know.

The election... I was sorry not to be around here for the election. I cried. Just wow.

I spent a big chunk of the year on a treadmill or working out. I plan to run a half-marathon in May. I may walk part of it, but I hope to finish. I run slow but it is good to have a goal. Keeps me motivated.

I got published a few times in 2008 and was a finalist in a national contest.

The kids are fabulous. C started in the public school in September and it's been a wonderful change for her. She ran cross country and is trying out for volleyball in a few weeks. She still swims, loves to read, still quiet but funny. She is 5'11 and about 115 pounds and she eats each meal like she hasn't eaten in three days. Our grocery bill is $200 a week just for the four of us. M is also fabulous. He is still at the Catholic school and doing just fine. He too is a good reader and quite the talker. M's soccer coach was kind of a Nazi this fall and so M quit soccer which made me sad. He liked the game and running around with his friends but the soccer coach took it very seriously and was making them run a half a mile before practice and another half a mile during practice, plus all the running they do during practice and may I remind you that these boys were all like seven, eight and at the most nine years old?

In October we got Max our new kitten. He's about six months old now and very cute and active. He climbs the curtains and attacks us regularly.

Husband got a promotion this summer--Michigan is hurting right now but we are okay and will probably be okay even when my student loans kick in in June 2010 even if I haven't got a job yet and that is more than a lot of people can say.

I'm sure I'm missing a ton of stuff--I guess I'm just trying to capture the flavor of 2008.

I try to dip in and out of your online lives so as not to totally lose track of you all. Just a reminder, I'm on Facebook now and do log in there almost every day. It's been easier for me to keep up on than LJ.

I wish you a very happy new year, dear LJ Friends.
Palm tree

Hello darlin', it's been a long time...

zortrana, name that song lyric and its context! :p

Okay, I've totally forgotten how to use semagic. I have a few minutes before I have to go run some errands and decided to post. Hi everyone! Ummmm... oh, I thought this was funny. Look at me all four years ago (see number 2):

The summer is going too fast. The kids are growing too fast. Graduate school is also going fast. I vacillate between wanting it to be over (I had to read a book called "When Jesus Came the Corn Mothers Went Away") and loving every second of it and going OMG my job right now is to WRITE.

Other updates...I'm thinking about getting my Master's Degree in Psychology after I finish my MFA. Because I'm insane. And also because Husband got promoted and I don't have to worry so much about paying back the student loans the second I get done with school now. And also because I think it would be interesting. But I am just thinking right now. Trying to figure out how I would do graduate school, write and teach. Guess I better finish this degree first.

I am no longer in therapy with David. We still meet for coffee and we still email. There's a story there. But it's still pretty fresh and raw and perhaps I will write about it one day but not now.

The kids are good--C starts public school this fall. I'm a little worried about her but I'm always a little worried about her. She's just different. And you know different isn't good. She is taller than I am now. And she's 12.

I've been submitting a lot--I have two contests, two journals and an anthology query out right now.

Our 16th wedding anniversary is on Friday. Husband and I have been together a total of almost 19.5 years. Which leads me to Happy Early Birthday buttercup_99!

I'm on Facebook now. I'm finding that a little easier to keep up on than blogging and reading blogs. If you know me well enough to know my real name :-) feel free to friend me up over there.

Okay, off to catch up on my FL in the first time in ages. <3
Palm tree


Happy Birthday, zortrana--my beautiful, talented, funny sister! Have a wonderful day! I hope 29 treats you well this year. LOL. xoxoxo, T

P.S. We need an icon from White Christmas when they are doing the Devoted Sisters act!
David no text

The March of Time

Quote of the day: “I am in charge of nothing.” -Lydia Millet, My Happy Life

Will this post be posted? Will this be my first post of 2008? Can I catch you up on six or seven weeks in ten minutes before the kids come downstairs??? If I do the asterisks or bullet points, I think maybe, yes.

*I successfully turned 40. I feel the same. I haven't had to take any metamucil or use any preparation H. It's all good. Though I can in no way say "young" anymore... maybe not so old either.

*I love graduate school. I've had a couple weeks of angst recently, plagued by MFA speak but I talked about it and posted about it in my cohort and they turned my existential angst into a discussion of how to pay for graduate school by whoring and drug dealing and as a side conversation, coming up with new names for female genitalia. How can I not fit in there? My mentor is excellent--I'm getting good feedback and I feel like I'm doing good writing. I am on the seventh chapter (2nd draft) of my book.

*I've had two pieces accepted for publication in February--an essay and a poem.

*The kids are doing well, though C is dealing with some middle school girl stuff. She has friends right now but doesn't have that all-important best friend. She has decided to play volleyball, which starts at the end of March and I think that will help. She won't be able to do swimming at the same time as volleyball is 2-3x a week and her swimming is 2x a week, but I think socially it will help her fit in. She's enjoyed it when they've played in gym. She got all As and one C+ this last time on her report card. Not math, surprisingly, Social Studies. M is just fine. He LOVES his second grade teacher. He makes his First Communion May 3 and makes his family First Communion June 1. He is very excited by that. Soccer is going to start in a month and when soccer and volleyball are going on at the same time My Life Will Be Hell(tm).

* Have been maintaining my weight loss.

* I owe an incredible debt of gratitude to David, who I feel has helped change my life incredibly. Even when he's fucked up horribly we've managed to move forward, deeper. I have such a true relationship with him. No wait, I don't own him a debt of gratitude. I've paid him thousands of dollars. And he was asleep before he met me. I've done him a lot of good too. But I have no ego. None at all. *whistle*

*How you doing, FL? I miss you all... <3